Barefoot everywhere you go.

I don't like my feet. I never have. I've always felt they were ugly. So unfeminine. I get cringy when people try to touch them. At the same time though, I love my feet.

I'm one of those people who would walk around barefoot everywhere if it were possible. Socks are fun and cozy and all, but I prefer the feeling of the carpet on my feet, the wind blowing over them, the feel of the hardwood as I walk along.

Even when I'm wearing shoes, I wish it were possible to go barefoot all the time without causing a horrendous stench to remain permanently in them. I've had several people tell me over the span of my lifetime that this is incredibly wierd. But I can't help it.

I honestly feel a strange sense of freedom when I run around barefoot. I even do it at work sometimes, and it gives me a little thrill.

People always ask how I'm not worried about what has been on the floor or the ground. I've never felt it was really anything to worry about though. With the amount of germs and everything that we come in contact with when we touch things with our hands each day, in the long run I figure it can't be much worse.

I've always wondered though, am I the only crazy person who loves running around barefoot?

This song is for the guy who keeps yelling from the balcony and it's called "We Hate You, Please Die."

When I first saw the previews for Scott Pilgrim, being unaware that it was part of an awesome comic series, I completely missed the point and thought 'Man, that film looks lame.' Largely because Michael Cera, as adorable as he is, only ever plays Michael Cera, which, after Superbad became slightly overdone.

But when friends started coming to me, urging me that this would definitely be my kind of movie, I decided to look into what it was all about.

One of the major winning points was that it was not only filmed in Toronto, but is BASED in Toronto. I love that city, and though I certainly wouldn't want to live there once I've married and am settled down, for being the age I'm at I wish I could still be there. It has my heart in ways I will probably never understand, so naturally, I was stoked to hear about the film's locale.

The movie itself blew me away. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time, giddy like a kid in the Rocky Mountain candy shoppe. It was amazing; epic and altogether geeky. It was the first movie I've ever had the courage to attend alone, and I am so glad I did. It was well worth it.

If you haven't seen Scott Pilgrim, I urge you to do so. Anyone who has any slightly geeky tendancies will desperately relate to this film. Plus, if you go to the website, you can make your own awesome movie poster featuring none other than yourself!

Go and make one. You know you want to. =)

Take a picture, it counts for a million words, but the missing words still need to be heard.

After spending the morning doing housework, errands, lunch with the sister, and making sure I had everything I needed. Gathered it all together, and was ready to go out the door.

But wait! Something is missing! I have my purse, camera, cell phone, cd's and gps! But something just doesn't seem right!

 After much pondering, I had a magical AHA moment.

I jumped in my car and drove as fast as I could (while obeying the posted speed signs of course), to the source of the missing necessessity.

Five minutes later, I had procured a Timmie's Coffee; a staple item for a Canadian road trip!

After one final inspection, I was ready to go. 

The drive was surprisingly busy, and turned out, it would take much less time than I thought to get there. A whole hour less. 

So I did what any sane person would do. I stopped at the biggest Zellers in the area. It's like DOUBLE the size of all the others I've been to!

I stared longingly at their beautiful journal collection for about fifteen minutes before I could muster the strength to move on.

But before I could leave. I had to fix my outfit failure. Or maybe I just wanted a better one. After searching and searching, I found the solution.

Then back on the road again! 

The rest of the drive was a little nerve-wracking, as I hit rush-hour traffic. It was the closest to city driving I've done, and I may have felt a minor anxiety attack coming on. But, I made it safely to the cousins, where we proceeded to make pizza for dinner, enjoyed virgin pina coladas, chatted, watched Hoodwinked, and ate maple ice cream. It was an awesome and relaxing time. I even made two new friends! My cousin got them not too long ago.

Everyone, meet Hank and Peanut!

Hank

Peanut

Aren't they just the cutest?

Thanks cousin for a great night! :)

Drive to dream to live we could see the world tonight. hear the hope tommorow we could see the world.....

I'm going on my first road trip with my car on Wednesday evening. It will officially mark the furthest distance I have ever driven, even though it isn't that far. But I am excited.

My cousin and I are going to have dinner that evening, and so I will be taking a deep breath and hitting the backroads to visit her in the wonderful city of Guelph, On.

Don't be surprised if I do a follow-up photoblog of my adventure, because I am lame like that. :)

Changing directions; could a career switch be on the horizon?

Although I've never really mentionned this, I've been contemplating a career change since before I even really finished my journalism studies. Not that I don't love journalism, because I do, but in facing reality, I truly believe thanks to the internet that media is dying in it's traditional job, and positions are much further and fewer between.

Prior to finding a heart for journalism midway through high school, I had had my heart set on becoming a teacher. Most of my life I wanted to be a teacher, preferrably for high school english and possibly history.

I've been toying with that idea again for the last two years. I still have people randomly asking me why I didn't go through to be a teacher, because I have the presence for it. I've known several people who have gone through for teaching (as well as follow several blogs of teachers), and my passion for teaching seems to be resurfacing every time they talk about it.

The great thing about teaching would be that I could still do my writing; it wouldn't have to be the end of that career. I could still freelance and work on my novels and all that good stuff. I've still got to wait until I get out of debt before I even consider applying... but I am really starting to consider taking that step afterwards. Who knows. I do know I want something more steady in my life, I want a real career, and I want to be able to share my passion with kids the way my english teachers once shared it with me.

God is busy....

A friend sent me this email today, and I loved it so much, I thought I'd share it with you all.

---

GOD Is Busy

If you don't know GOD, don't make stupid remarks!!!!!!

A United States Marine was attending some college Courses between assignments. He had completed missions

In Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor Who was an a vowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in.

He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, GOD if you are real Then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly

15 min.' The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am GOD, I'm still waiting.'

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got Out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him;

Knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.

The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there Looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to,

Noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What In the world is the matter with you? 'Why did you do that?'

The Marine calmly replied, 'GOD was too busy today protecting American soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me.'

The classroom erupted in cheers!

Greasy, salty, chewy bacon.... *drool*

I don't know what it is with me, but I have an obsession with bacon. If I could, I would live off bacon and bacon alone, and I would die a very happy person.

I have no idea why though.

Back at my last job (the live-in one), we had bacon, eggs and hashbrowns every Wednesday, and I would ALWAYS make sure there was extra bacon made so that I could use it in EVERYTHING for the next few days.

Bacon and toast sandwiches. Bacon in my pasta. Bacon in my salad. Bacon and toast for snack.

Now, after another stupid night of insomnia, I am suddenly craving bacon like there is no tomorrow. So badly, in fact, that I am contemplating going out to our awesome local diner, waiting in the parking lot  until it opens, and having a nice little breakfast to myself with extra bacon on the side.

My mouth is watering just thinking about it.

Seriously, I think something might just be wrong with me.

Love is a many splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong! Love....

is something to tread lightly upon.

I'm a fool of a hopeless romantic, I won't deny that fact. I always had this picture in my head of a movie-magical perfect love that would sweep me off my feet and rush me away with my prince charming.

Like I said, I'm a fool.

If I were to count the amount of relationships I fell into because I hoped they were love, well, it would include every relationship I had been in until I was 21 years old.

I never believed in saying I love you, not after the first time when it nearly destroyed me. But my heart said it. Oh, my heart said it before we were even dating. Going into my relationships was filled with gushy feelings, rushing butterflies, and daydreams of getting married. Developing the idea in my silly little head that I was going to marry that guy.

And that was why I decided to stop dating. I needed to take the time to examine just where I was going wrong. Why was my heart being crushed each time, despite not actually giving it to them? And then I realized the issue. I would build myself up on these foolish hopes, to the point where, while my heart wasn't given away, it was certainly caught up in a non-existant fairytale romance, or at least in the hopes that the guy felt as strongly and magically in like towards me as I did to him.

It's funny how age, maturity, and taking time away from that can change things.

There is a calmness I've never experienced before. One that knows things could go either way. They could last a long while, or they could end next week. We could be together for years and break up, or spend the rest of our lives together. But it doesn't matter.

I'm pretty sure my brain had a heart attack when I first said that to myself.

'What do you mean it doesn't matter?' it demanded, full on confused.

'It. Doesn't. Matter.' I replied, slow enough and laden with enough of a sour attitude to make sure my brain did not ask me to repeat it again. I've never really liked repeating myself.

The reason it doesn't matter is that while hopes and dreams are certainly normal and good, dwelling on them and trying to will them into existence becomes destructive. While I wouldn't mind being together a long time, looking into the future is pointless, because I have no control over what may come. I might as well just buckle in and enjoy the ride. Enjoy the time in the now, because it's the now that's precious, not the 'what's next'.

I don't want to say I'm not emotionally connected here, though my brain seems to feel like it. But it's not. It's much less severe than what I am used to, but it's nice. It's a level-headed type of emotional committment; only experiencing the amount of emotions that are involved up to this point.

I remember someone once telling me the faster you fall in love, the harder and faster you fall out of love. Tracing it back over my past relationships that is certainly not far from the truth.

There's a sense of reservation this time; not of not trusting, but of knowing that there's no need to pour my entire heart into something so early. Of knowing that it's okay to let the feelings deepen over time, rather than rushing forward all at once, so strongly it throws my whole world for a loop.

There's still butterflies, but they're not the 'think of him every moment, oh my gosh I'm in love' butterflies. They're calmer and less intense than that. They surface not at moments of ooey-gooeyness, but at moments where something is said or done that reminds me why I like him.

It's not love. It's not even remotely close to love. But it's something to treasure. It's something I haven't had the opportunity to experience before, when things in my head were not in control. This is something I can live in the moment of, and know that no matter where it goes, it was enjoyable.

Love is dangerous. And for once, I'm kind of glad I'm not playing Love's games.

Great scott! PS3 can run PS1 games!!

I recently discovered that one can download original PS1 games on the PS3, and I have been going nuts. Much to my pleasure, they have Final Fantasy 7,8 and 9 available. So of course, I immediately went ahead and downloaded one. I started with 8 because it was the one I *almost* finished prior to having to return the game to a friend.

That's the nicest part about playing it this time; I don't have to worry about returning it to anyone, and thus can take as LONG as I want to finish it.

One thing I forgot that really bugs me though, is the dependancy on the female characters with Squall (mostly Quistis, who is continuously seeking affection and love from him that doesn't exist), or Rinoa later being desperately in love with him.

And what is it that they see in Squall anyways? The guy is an annoying emo brat.

I did remember how much I disliked Squall straight from the beginning. I recall the last time I played, I did my best to choose answers and reactions from him to try and make him look less like an emo kid; but this time I realized there's no point. When you're not controlling him, he's still all sulky, mopey and emo.

Character complaints aside however, it is nice to be playing those games again. I forgot how much I loved the Final Fantasy series, and as much as it will take me forever to beat them, I am looking forward to working back through them.




And, on a slightly less geeky note; Greene and I have smoothly made the transition to boyfriend/girlfriend. He ran it by me, by making a comment in random conversation about how he loves having a 'hot, super nerdy girlfriend.'. Kinda made my night.

Dreaming about providence and whether mice and men have second tries...

I'm not sure which bothers me more; the fact that God has not smote me for the choice I've made, or the fact that I don't feel any remorse.

I do feel sad for what it means; for what I've given up. But for what I actually did, I don't think I feel any regret. Not yet anyway.

I think a part of me always knew I would cave in; that I would succumb to the desires that plague us as human beings. I think a part of my decision to cave now had to do with the fact that I am not in love, and I know I am not. I know the way I am, and I know that one day, I would have given in because of how much I thought I was in love, and it would have destroyed me, because it wouldn't have just been my body I was giving away, it would have been my heart and potentially entire being.

At least this way, I've saved myself that kind of heartbreak.

I wish I had been stronger. I do. I wish that I didn't have those desires burning in me. But let's face it. I've been driven by it since I first discovered it's existence. I believe this is one thing I have always been pretty much on par with men for... and while one day that may prove to be a good thing, right now, I am sure it is causing me far more trouble than it's worth.

But I didn't make the decision without knowing that. I didn't make the decision without knowing there would be consequences either. I know they are there. I know what some of them are. And I'm ready to face them head on.

But I can't help but feel a little heartbroken over the fact that when it comes to what happened, I don't really feel anything at all.

In the moment...

In the silence,
I miss your arms around me.
The touch of your skin on mine.
Your smell.

Do you even know what you do to me?

In the rising sun
I feel so incredibly alive.
I've never felt so confident
In my life.

Did you know you're helping me find me?

This could be just a moment;
A blip in the film of life.
But it's my moment to shine,
And it's all because of you.

So kiss me til the sun goes down;
Keep me floating so I don't drown.
I'm alive, I'm here,
I'm beating down fear.
Brush the hair out of my eyes;
Silence broken by my sighs.
I'm stronger, I'm tougher;
To stand on my own if this gets rougher.


The future unknown; somehow I'm fine. It doesn't matter if this ends in a day, a week, a month, or a year. In the here and the now, I'm learning more about me than I ever have. I'm finding a strength and beauty I only dreamed existed. If we walk away from this, I always have these things to remember why you were good for me.

So hold tight;
This is one wild ride.
And I kinda, maybe, might
Like having you by my side.

And here I thought this game woould rock my world...

I rented the latest Final Fantasy game for PS3 last week. Heard it was supposed to be incredible. Was totally prepared for it to rock my world.

What a freaking let down. Unlike the other FF games, it was completely lacking the freedom that some of the greats had (7 and 8), where one could wander endlessly and do things apart from the storyline if they wanted.

I'll admit, I didn't get the chance to play very far into it, but I was warned it doesn't get much better. The story is completely dictated for you; the actions, the steps, everything. There was little to no freedom to try and plough through on your own. Even the fighting had limited options (granted, I hadn't levelled up much, but it was still much less than you typically had in the beginnings of the other games).

I doubt I'll rent it to finish it. I was too uncaptivated by the first little bit to want to keep going.

Maybe, just maybe, it's time for the Final Fantasy industry to taper off?