My twenty-fifth birthday has terrified me for some time, as most of you who read my blog regularly are aware. Overcome by all sorts of things I had yet to accomplish, I had developed this idea that turning 25 did nothing more than mark me as a failure.
There were four things I had expected I would have by the time I was twenty-five, and I remember sitting down on my 24th birthday and thinking 'Crap... none of these things are within my grasp.'
Sometimes though, life is all about patience.
The first thing I wanted by the time I was 25 was a car. Two months after I turned 24, a coworker of mine at the coffee shop decided to move back to Ireland and offered to sell me her car. I bought it a month later for $4000 less than what the dealership asking price for that make and model was. Had I jumped and run to a dealership like I wanted, I would have been tied into financing I couldn't afford for a car I couldn't afford. Hanging on gave me the opportunity to get this car. While I will need to get a new car in the not so distant future, she's getting me from point A to B for now.
Number two was a relationship. Like, a good relationship that would actually last more than all the one-month long ones I had been in. Wanting this one was hard, because it took a lot of control to not just jump at the first guy who showed interest. But once again, my patience paid off. I can happily say that as of my 25th birthday, I have been in a relationship for 9 months.
Number three was a career. I've struggled the most with this one, because I hate that I haven't been in a job I could define as a career; somewhere that I could work for several years without having to worry about getting enough hours or any of that. Ironically enough, I got a job offer the day before my 25th birthday, with a 'career' job. Not bad I would say. Means I'm not as much of a failure as I thought in that area.
The last one is a two-parter. To be out of debt, and living on my own. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to achieve these two thanks to not making enough money at work, but now that I've got this new job, I should be able to make a dent in my debt and get some savings in no time.
So you know, maybe I don't have a life like Chandler or Pheobe, Monica or Rachel. I'm not going to be a huge success story by the time I'm 26, and I'm certainly nowhere near having the kind of money to live in a fancy apartment in the city.
But I guess I'm not doing near as bad as I was worried I would. And hey, statistically, I'm done 1/3 of my life, which means I've already finished part of the race!
Maybe it's because I'm not an abitious person, but I don't experience life as a race. I shall be avoiding my high school reunion and granted one of the reasons would be because I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. Mostly though, I think it's how you measure the quality of life you've had; what you have done with the lemons handed to you that will either bring you some satisfaction or leave you worrying that you need to do more.
ReplyDeleteI understand the feeling though. I would like to bring to your attention though that your expectation (like the 'religious competitions and matchups' you find in churches on who's holier) is based on other people's warped expectations... Don't fall into a trap with that.
Hah!
ReplyDeleteMotherfucker, if you're thinking like this now, wait until you are approaching 50. I bought my first car at 16, with money I earned working in a restaurant. My advice to you is live every moment to the fullest, seize the day, take stupid risks because every day could be your last, and this life is all you get.
Peace.