I think the day I meet the man of my dreams will be the end of the world.

At least, if it happens like it did in my dream last night, it will.

My dream started off fairly normal (or as normal as any of my dreams could be). I don't know where I was. A city maybe. All I knew was it was in Canada. I was on my cell phone texting my sister about her wedding and stuff, when some guy started trying to catch my attention. I looked up, saw him, and instantly we were in love. We just knew we were meant to be together. (Later on, after I woke up, I realized the guy was none other than Jay Baruschel, who it of course won't be since he's engaged to the amazing Alison Pill.... )

We talked for like five minutes and knew we were getting married (oh, dreams). And then, just as he was about to put his number into my phone, we were attacked by a hoard of partying zombies who managed to drag us down to the local TGI-Fridays (SP?)(Because apparently they have those in Toronto now...) . They continued to order more beers and to tip the waitresses while flirting.

Now, one thing to note is that though these were zombies, they did not look like zombies. They looked like living people. But you can't fool me and Jay Baruschel... so we ran outside and grabbed some poison-tipped swords (which were apparently the only way to kill zombies) and ran inside to slice and dice.

The first few died no problem but from there on, they just stopped dying. I'm pretty sure that was where my dream realized that I realized I was dreaming and was trying to prove to me it was still in control, because I spent a good five minutes arguing with a zombie that yes, the poison tipped blade does kill him, and no it does not matter that I only sliced him in the ribs because it's my dream and if I say you die, then you die!

After arguing with the last ten or so zombies until they died, Jay and I strolled out hand in hand into Central Park as he told me I was the coolest girl he ever met. We paused and looked adoringly into one another's eyes, and he leaned in for a kiss.... and then my alarm went off and woke me up. It also left me slightly disoriented because the first thing I tried to do was grab my poison-tipped sword to fend off a zombie that wasn't there.

And that, my friends, is why I'm pretty sure the world will end when I fall in love. Because clearly, something is warning me that it will cause the Zombie Apocalypse.

Drink up me hearties yo ho! Yo ho, yo ho a Pirates Life for me!

Today was a pretty awesome first weekend off.

One of my best friends was in town for the weekend before she heads off to Scotland, so we got together for dinner with our other good friend and one of her friends. It was so good being around real friends again. I miss it being the three of us, though that won't ever be again. But even so. We laughed, we ate, we exchanged stories and laughed some more. They're the kind of friends that it doesn't matter how much time we've spent apart, when we see one another we just pick up where we left off and things are perfect.

From there, I had the honour of taking my sister and her fiancee's engagement pictures. I really didn't think my photography was quite good enough, but my sister said she loves my pictures and wanted me to do it. So this evening, despite the overcast skies, we headed out of town to a small conservation area off the Grand River and took the photos. It was so much fun, and we got some amazing shots. I really wish I had a better camera, because I could have done SO much more, but I'm impressed with how they turned out. My sister looked absolutely beautiful (as always). I'll be sharing some of them on here once they've posted them on Facebook and shown everyone they wanted to see them the pictures.

Afterwards we went to see Pirates 4. As excited as I was to see it, I remained slightly skeptical. Still, Johnny Depp himself promised that this one would far exceed the last two.

I'm not going to give any spoilers, for those of you who haven't seen it... but it is absolutely amazing. Funny, random and witty, much like the first one was. The acting was SUBERB and Penelope Cruz made a far better pirate-ess (is that even a word) than Kiera Knightly did.

I also fell in love tonight. With a character. Because I'm that lame. And because I always have a soft spot for a man of God. Plus, he's gorgeous. I think I want to marry him.

*sigh*

Tomorrow sadly won't be nearly as exciting, as I have a tonne of housework to do and really need to clean my room.

Before I run away to dream about my new future husband I will leave you with one of the photos from this evening. I did manage to snap a picture of me and my baby sister, just to prove that I was there ;)

I'm over it.

Just like that.

It was kind of nice to realize. I feel better. Lighter. Happier.

I'm looking forward to being friends with him again, much to my surprise.

And now that that's all over and done with, I'm going to sit down a write a list of all the things I want in a man, and all the things I shouldn't ever compromise again. Then I'm going to tuck it away, and leave it to fate to find him. Because I know he's out there.

As for right now? It's time to take my life back and live it to it's fullest.

Thank you everyone for all the love and support you gave me through this. Even though most of us are only connected through our blogs, it's nice to know that the caring is there, and that I think I can truly call you all friends.

<3

Uh huh, mmhmm, gonna get along without you now.

The last couple of days has been pretty hard on me with the whole breakup thing. Then I found this song, and I just feel so much better. Don't you just love when you find a song that fits how you're feeling?


 

**I would like to note that he never actually did any of the things talked about in the song... but I think the song really represents the whole moving forward thing I'm trying to keep looking to.

Jo estoy aqui...

and I am learning Spanish!

The beautiful and talented Ella at From the Stupidest Corner of My Mind is teaching me Spanish so that I can hopefully speak it fluently by February of next year.

Why by February? Well... some of you may have already seen it on my Facebook, but those that haven't, you'll just have to wait. There will be a special post coming up in the next few weeks regarding a very special project, and the Spanish ties into it.

While tonight's lesson was just the basics, I'm pretty sure I'm picking up on it fairly quickly. A lot of it is even more similar to French than I had thought. Even though the words can be very different, the methods on how the sentence structure and basic grammar work seem to follow the same guidelines. Which is of course a bonus for me.

I'm pretty excited about this. I've wanted to learn Spanish since I visited Cuba way back in '05, but I just haven't had the time. Now I do, and it's awesome :)

I'm also greatly considering taking a refresher course for my French. With the new job, we of course deal with Quebec and thus a lot of French speaking customers. It shouldn't be too difficult for me as I was fluent in the language at one point.

So who knows, by this time next year, I might be trilingual!

And it's all MIIIIIINNNNEEEEE!

So back before all the break-up mutterings I promised you all a better update about the new job.

It's about an hour drive there and back, which isn't too bad, considering. I'm a little scared about driving it in the winter, but there's no point in getting all anxious about that now.

The job itself is pretty simple so far. Mainly basic customer service and data entry to get ready for our new card's launch in August.

The atmosphere is amazing. None of the stress and pressure that I felt at the resort. There's no tension in the air, the whole place is very casual. Everyone's friendly; even the owner (though I'll admit I'm still a little intimidated by him).

I get to wear pretty much whatever I want to work. They prefer to allow their employees to dress casual because comfortable employees are more productive. So far I've tried to rotate my outfits; one day business casual, the next semi-casual.

And of course, my favourite parts of the job: I have my own desk/BIG cubicle, my own computer, e-mail address and phone extension. While the extension is the general phone line, it's still pretty awesome to get to right an extension down with my 'business card'.

I've been too afraid to snap pictures because I don't know how the boss's will react, but I did manage to sneak a shot of my incredibly organized stationary for you all! (Also note my awesome picture from the M&M's store at Time Square :D)

I think from what we've talked about, eventually the goal will be to have me in charge of the Facebook page and Twitter... and there's the possibility of getting to do a blog for the company as well, but we'll see.

So yeah, that's mainly all there is to tell. Will let you know if more awesomeness comes up!

Today was a good day.

It didn't start out so great. Mom came into my room at 9:30 and screamed at me about how I had no right to be sleeping in that late. Then, after my sister invited me out for the day, my parents blew up because we weren't staying home on the holiday to clean their house. The parents remained peeved, until my sister reminded them that in the last 9 months since Jade and I have dating, I haven't actually gone out and socialized at all. Met a person for coffee here and there, but otherwise I kind of shut down. I think my parent's finally realized that I needed this.

But after that, it went uphill.

My sister, her fiancee (oooh I forgot to tell you all, MY SISTER GOT ENGAGED A WEEK AGO!), and a couple friends of there went out to the little lake we have here in town. For whatever reason, I keep forgetting we have it. But I think now that I remember it's there, I'll be visiting it more often.

We took the dogs, and the boys fished while us girls chilled, and eventually caught some sun on the docks. (Turns out I caught more than I thought, because I'm a little burned).

It was kind of hard for me at first... the spot we went to was the same spot Greene took me to break up with me on Friday. But I decided that feeling upset there wasn't worth it. Even though it's a spot he apparently frequents, I have every right to be there too, and enjoy myself.

So I did. I just sprawled out and relaxed, listened to the waves splashing, and just let myself be alive. Later I went and hung out with a buddy of mine. We chilled and played video games and it just felt great.

I think if I just keep grabbing life by the horns, the hurt and hard days are going to be minimal. Besides, I miss the fun me that I used to be. It's time to bring her back.

Here's a few of the pictures I took from today, because I know you're all dying to see them ;)

 Princess Piper

 Master Molson

 The boys and their bass

Andrew's Masterpiece

Life changes in the blink of eye...

In one day you can have everything, the next nothing. Sometimes the good comes in handfuls with the bad dancing around it's edges.

Sometimes the bad turns out to not be all that bad at all.

Things are changing rapidly in my life right now. Some hurt, others bring excitement. But I think they're all going to come together to form an adventure unlike one I've had before.

And I have to say, I'm kind of excited to jump on this ride. Even if it means having to face the pain without letting it bring me down.

Today's a brand new day.

I'm over the shock impact of it all. What has surprised me more than anything was that when I woke up this morning, it wasn't devastation or heartbreak I was feeling, it was relief.

I would imagine the relief has to do with the fact that the anxiety is gone. There is no more stress and worry and wondering what it is his decision will be. He's made his decision, and now that its final, I can move on.

There is a part of me that feels a little lost, but I assume that's a normal feeling that accompanies the adjustment from being taken to being single.

Despite the hurt I am feeling, and the wishing it hadn't happened, I don't feel devastated as I have in the past. I'm able to genuinely smile and laugh, and for the most part not even think about it.

There are moments where it catches me off guard and makes me want to cry, but I'm able to calm myself down quickly.

I'm going to be fine. I'm going to bounce back from this. And eventually, I will meet someone who will be head over heels for me. I decided a few years back I would never let myself become jaded over failed love again, and I won't.

See the biggest thing I've learned is you have a choice. You can hold onto that hurt and pain, hold onto the wishing that things would work, hold onto that person, but it won't change anything. You'll be miserable and stuck and all that hurt won't do a damned thing for you. It won't bring them back. Or, you can acknowledge that hurt, those desires, then give them a swift kick in the ass and jump back into the water feet first. You can let go, move on and look forward to the things that are coming.

I'm going to take the latter option. I deserve at least that much; to be happy in my life instead of hanging on to someone who didn't want to be there.

I'll keep it pretty short.

As I'm sure you've all noticed, I don't really like to talk about relationship stuff on here.

Lately, things have gotten kind of rocky with Greene and I. We broke up today. His choice, not mine.

I know I'm going to be fine. I'm going to move forward and I'll move on.

But right now? It hurts. A lot. Kind of feels like I've been punched in the gut a couple of times.

I don't think I've cried this much in a long time.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life.... and I'm feelin good.

Today was the first day at my new job and even though I didn't really do a lot, I'm pretty sure I love it already.

To start with, I get my own desk, my own computer AND my own e-mail address and phone extension.

At this point I'll just be handling the customer service end of things, but hey, I'm cool with that.

I will update you all further, but after a long commute and a long first day, that will have to wait a while.

You're forgiven, so why can't you leave me alone?

It took so long to get rid of the anger and the hurt, but I finally did it. I let go. Everything that happened has been released from driving me up the wall. I went from getting angry and indignant over the situation, to being calm and sorrowful when I think back to it.

I don't bother with the would have, could have, should have. There's no point. What's done is done.

I've let go.

I thought I had let go of her, too. But apparently, my subconscience feels otherwise.

In the past three weeks, I've dreamt nearly every night about her. About attempts to rekindle our friendship. About it working, about it not working. About missing her, about going back in time to fix the mistakes that led to things crumbling in the first place.

I can't get her off my mind.

I tried to rekindle our friendship back when I was trying to forgive her. A letter sent asking if we could try again. There was no response.

That should be the end of it. She's not interested in being friends again. But I can't seem to fight this incessant nagging. I can't seem to just let her go.

Was our friendship even that great? I don't know. I found some things out towards the end that suggested she never really liked me anyways, that our friendship was basically false. But was that just the anger talking?

I don't know where to go from here. The more I try, the more the dreams haunt me.

I've tried weighing the pros vs the cons, but even when I manage to make the cons longer, it still does nothing to shake that feeling. I sit down to work on novels and I find myself avoiding them because they remind me too much of her. They remind me of all the times we laughed and discussed the plots; spent hours in the coffee shop just writing and sharing in each other's passion.

I try praying, but either I can't hear God's voice over the volume of my own thoughts, or He remains silent on the issue.

I just want it to stop. I want to move on. I want to stop this foolish hoping.

I just have no idea how.

I won't tolerate you.

I have no respect for cheaters. I get that sometimes people make mistakes. I've known people who have gotten so messed up that they chose to cheat in a moment of confusion and frustration, but have earned that respect back by getting their shit back in order.

I don't have respect for cheaters that try to pin the blame on someone else. 'I didn't mean to cheat, it was an accident!'

Quoting Dr. Dru from 'Love Line' on that one (or was it Psycho Mike that said it?) 'What, did his/your penis just slip and end up in your/her vagina?'

It takes two people to make that choice to have sex, so there's no such thing as an accident.

But where I really lose any capability of ever gaining respect for someone again is when they cheat on their partner, dump them for the person they cheated with, then two years later come running back to the original person for advice or comfort.

This morning, a friend's ex texted him for advice and comfort about the guy she ended their 7 year relationship for after cheating on him. A year back, another person I know had their ex-fiancee pull the same thing. And both times, as I could hear the pain in their words, and in the case of Greene, see it on his face, everything in me just wanted to contact these girls and tell them what selfish, manipulitive bitches they were being.

What gets me is how people can be that selfish. How can someone care so little for others that they would put people through that kind of pain again and again and again?

I think what bothers me even more is how they play the victim to it all.

ARGH.

There's a new man in my life...

And no matter what I do, I can't seem to get rid of him.

 

I know, I know, I'm a little behind on this one (as I seem to be with all of the other shows).

But, there's an even bigger reason why I think I'm so addicted to this show, beyond the fact that it kicks ass.

Not only do Dexter and the boyfriend look very much alike, but their personalities and their body language is almost identical. I'm not sure whether I should be worried about that, or feel incredibly lucky. Haha.

Oh 6am, it looks like we're about to be reacquainted.

As excited as I am for my new job, I'm beginning to dread the early mornings. I've never been a morning person, and I'm not quite sure how I'll handle the 45 minute drive in the mornings.

I know I'll adjust, but the whole concept is just making me groan. Starting tomorrow morning, I'm going to have to force myself up at that horrible hour. I contemplated waiting until the first day of work, but I realized that knowing me, that can be dangerous.

Man. Taking 'diet' shakes, getting up at 6am, working a respectable job? Is it possible I'm becoming an actual adult?!?!?!

It starts...

Well, as of lunch time today, I am officially on one of those 'shake' diets. I have about 20 pounds left to go before my goal weight, and 8 more to go before I hit the goal set by my endocrinologist last month.

I attempted slimfast before, but the damn thing had me hungry all the time. My parents are on this new thing called Vi-Salus, so they handed over the rest of their Isagenix mix and are putting me on it.

Starting weight as of this morning? 171 lbs. I'll give myself three days of this before I weigh in again.

On the one hand, I'm really hoping this works. I'm hoping I'll have the discipline to stick to it.

On the other hand, I'm highly skeptical. It seems like a 'quick fix' weight loss option.

Either way, I guess I'll find out.

When it rains, it pours... apparently even with blessings.

It seems I've been being showered with blessings (or luck, for those who aren't religious), as of late. This is of course, a very nice change from the last few months.

For the first time since November-ish I'm actually feeling the stress start to fall off my shoulders.

First came the new job. While it may not be my journalism dream job, I'm pretty sure it will still give me an awesome career. Plus, unlike the resort, which was barely giving me 30 hours a week, paid very little above minimum wage (with no raises), no benefits and was a stress NIGHTMARE, this place has a LOT of positives. To start with, my salary is pretty decent AND if I'm doing well I get a raise in three months. Hell, just the fact that I'm on a salary is amazing. I get really good benefits (80% of prescription meds, dental, and all that.), and the only things they do not cover are orthodontics (which I have no need for) and optical (which isn't that big a fee when everything else is being covered). It's Monday to Friday, 8:30-5pm, and I get off early on Fridays.

Next came in a way with the new job. Because I'm leaving the resort, I'm actually able to take my vacation pay without taking vacation, and it's enough money that it should cover the main repairs I need to make to my car to ensure I don't die on the commute.

The day I finish at the resort, I get paid.

There's a REALLY BIG adventure I am going on next year that I will be telling you all about shortly (adventure of a LIFETIME and I am so excited).

And lastly, I've been volunteering at a local Christian school (Kindergarten through Gr. 12) in order to help them launch their first ever school newspaper. About a month into it, they had to let their Marketing Director go, who of course was the main person I was working with to launch this. I've been stressed ever since, trying to pull this whole thing together by myself. Today, the principal (an amazing man, who is also a family/church friend of ours) tells me that not only does he have someone who wants to help me, but this person is a huge marketing guy, freelance journalist, and formerly worked at The Toronto Star (one of the biggest newspapers in Ontario).

This one is a MAJOR two-fold blessing. The first, is obviously that he'll know all the things I'm not yet acquainted with when it comes to producing a newspaper. But the second? Depending on how closely we work and how much we do together, I could potentially be able to snag a recommendation letter off him. And considering his history, that could help me land one of the freelance jobs I want with our local paper.

I've got to say, I'm wondering if this is the Universe's way of giving me a Quarter-Century birthday present to say sorry for all the crap it put me through over those 25 years. The timing is stupendous, which would make the Universe the best Birthday Present Giver EVER!

It's a nice feeling to actually be getting excited life again.

IT'S INTERNATIONAL STAR WARS DAY

MAY THE FOURTH BE WITH YOU, EVERYONE!!!!



It's been a historical few days, and I'm pretty happy with the outcome.

To begin with, as everyone knows, the Prince got married. Not that I give two whoops about that (no offence to my British readers, I just don't see their role being that large, especially not in Canada, hence my not being interested).


Osama Bin Laden is [allegedly] dead.

And, Canada just had the most, what I would call revolutionary, election in our history.

The Liberals have for the last 110 years, always been either the reigning party, or the official opposition. They just lost both, putting them at only 30-something seats in parliament. Conservatives won a majority vote with 160-something seats (which h...asn't happened in a long time), and for the first time ever NDP (New Democratic Party) are the official opposition.

To add salt to the Liberal injury, Party Leader (and backstabbing deserter) Michael Ignatieff lost his seat in the house. Ignatieff is a dumbass and a deserter who gave the finger to Canada several years back when he left to pursue a political career in the states because he liked it better there. He only returned AFTER his career failed in the States.

Also, the Bloc Quebecois got their record LOWEST amount of seats (4), their leader Gilles Duceppe lost his seat in the house, and they are now losing official party status in the house, as a party must have at least 12 seats to retain it. For those of you unfamiliar with the Bloc, they are a separatist party that has fought to make Quebec it's own country for who knows how long now. The slightly amusing part of it is that the majority of Quebec citizens actually don't want a separation and are happy to be part of Canada. (Plus, it's a known economical fact that Quebec would not only flounder on it's own, but because of their physical position, would cause Canada to flounder.)

And, for the first time in Canadian history, a member of the green party won a seat in the house. While that doesn't grant them party status, at least it gets them a voice.

The NDP being the official opposition is also big news. The last time they were in charge they did a pretty shitty job and royally screwed themselves. Over the last few years, I think they've been building a good case for themselves to be given another chance. But, giving them the chance as the ruling party would be pretty dangerous. By them being the official opposition, I think it gives them a chance to prove that they're not full of hot air anymore.

And so, as I'm sure it's clear through my babblings, I have got to say, I'm pretty stoked about our election results.

It's been a historical few days...

To begin with, as everyone knows, the Prince got married. Not that I give two whoops about that (no offence to my British readers, I just don't see their role being that large, especially not in Canada, hence my not being interested).

Osama Bin Laden is [allegedly] dead.

And, Canada just had the most, what I would call revolutionary, election in our history.

The Liberals have for the last 110 years, always been either the reigning party, or the official opposition. They just lost both, putting them at only 30-something seats in parliament. Conservatives won a majority vote with 160-something seats (which h...asn't happened in a long time), and for the first time ever NDP (New Democratic Party) are the official opposition.


To add salt to the Liberal injury, Party Leader (and backstabbing deserter) Michael Ignatieff lost his seat in the house. Ignatieff is a dumbass and a deserter who gave the finger to Canada several years back when he left to pursue a political career in the states because he liked it better there. He only returned AFTER his career failed in the States.

Also, the Bloc Quebecois got their record LOWEST amount of seats (4), their leader Gilles Duceppe lost his seat in the house, and they are now losing official party status in the house, as a party must have at least 12 seats to retain it. For those of you unfamiliar with the Bloc, they are a separatist party that has fought to make Quebec it's own country for who knows how long now. The slightly amusing part of it is that the majority of Quebec citizens actually don't want a separation and are happy to be part of Canada. (Plus, it's a known economical fact that Quebec would not only flounder on it's own, but because of their physical position, would cause Canada to flounder.)
And, for the first time in Canadian history, a member of the green party won a seat in the house. While that doesn't grant them party status, at least it gets them a voice.

The NDP being the official opposition is also big news. The last time they were in charge they did a pretty shitty job and royally screwed themselves. Over the last few years, I think they've been building a good case for themselves to be given another chance. But, giving them the chance as the ruling party would be pretty dangerous. By them being the official opposition, I think it gives them a chance to prove that they're not full of hot air anymore.

And so, as I'm sure it's clear through my babblings, I have got to say, I'm pretty stoked about our election results.

I know it's a little childish, but...

BIN LADEN IS DEAD!
BIN LADEN IS DEAD!
THE EVIL COWARDLY BIN LADEN IS DEAD!
HE'S GONE WHERE THE GOBLINS GO,
BELOW-BELOW-BELOW!
YO-HO, LET'S OPEN UP AND SING AND RING THE BELLS OUT!
DING DONG' THE MERRY-OH, SING IT HIGH, SING IT LOW!
LET THEM KNOW,
EVIL, COWARDLY BIN LADEN IS DEAD!


*The really sad part, is as soon as I heard the announcement, this song actually popped into my head.

Statistically, a third of my life is over.

My twenty-fifth birthday has terrified me for some time, as most of you who read my blog regularly are aware. Overcome by all sorts of things I had yet to accomplish, I had developed this idea that turning 25 did nothing more than mark me as a failure.

There were four things I had expected I would have by the time I was twenty-five, and I remember sitting down on my 24th birthday and thinking 'Crap... none of these things are within my grasp.'

Sometimes though, life is all about patience.

The first thing I wanted by the time I was 25 was a car. Two months after I turned 24, a coworker of mine at the coffee shop decided to move back to Ireland and offered to sell me her car. I bought it a month later for $4000 less than what the dealership asking price for that make and model was. Had I jumped and run to a dealership like I wanted, I would have been tied into financing I couldn't afford for a car I couldn't afford. Hanging on gave me the opportunity to get this car. While I will need to get a new car in the not so distant future, she's getting me from point A to B for now.

Number two was a relationship. Like, a good relationship that would actually last more than all the one-month long ones I had been in. Wanting this one was hard, because it took a lot of control to not just jump at the first guy who showed interest. But once again, my patience paid off. I can happily say that as of my 25th birthday, I have been in a relationship for 9 months.

Number three was a career. I've struggled the most with this one, because I hate that I haven't been in a job I could define as a career; somewhere that I could work for several years without having to worry about getting enough hours or any of that. Ironically enough, I got a job offer the day before my 25th birthday, with a 'career' job. Not bad I would say. Means I'm not as much of a failure as I thought in that area.

The last one is a two-parter. To be out of debt, and living on my own. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to achieve these two thanks to not making enough money at work, but now that I've got this new job, I should be able to make a dent in my debt and get some savings in no time.

So you know, maybe I don't have a life like Chandler or Pheobe, Monica or Rachel. I'm not going to be a huge success story by the time I'm 26, and I'm certainly nowhere near having the kind of money to live in a fancy apartment in the city.

But I guess I'm not doing near as bad as I was worried I would. And hey, statistically, I'm done 1/3 of my life, which means I've already finished part of the race!