If only there was a way to keep idiots out of vehicles.

 

(Yes, texting and driving DOES make you an idiot driver)

As you have all likely read already, I was in a pretty nasty accident yesterday morning.

Unfortunately, I was not the only one to face that, in a far more unfortunate incident than mine.

Yesterday, just north of where I was heading to, a police officer was killed in a hit and run. He pulled over a speeding van, which ended up being driven by a 15 yr old without his license. When the police officer ran the plates, it turned out the van was stolen.

As he was questioning the kid, the kid panicked and tried to drive away. The officer ran with the van, and reached in to try and turn it off. The kid lost control, and the officer was dragged under the van as it went off the road and rolled all the way over, trapping him underneath.

What makes the story more heartbreaking was that as the officer lay trapped under this van dying, he was radioing for help not for himself, but for the four teens inside the van. Continuously he repeated that they needed to get to the scene to help the teenagers.

Const. Garrett Styles died that same morning. He was a father of two sons, one just born three months earlier. This Sunday would have been his 33rd birthday.

Thanks to an idiot, he won't see that day. He won't see his sons grow up, graduate and marry. He won't live a beautiful life with his wife or be there to hold his first grandchild.

All because of someone who thought he was cool by being an idiot.

My life was almost taken yesterday because of an idiot. One who then thought the whole thing was hilarious.

Every day I watch idiots run red lights because they're too impatient to wait. Whip out around cars because they can't wait the extra ten feet for the exit ramp.

Just two weeks ago, at the same intersection my accident happened at, another idiot made that same left hand turn without checking properly and caused an accident which ended in a fatality.

If only there was a way to prevent these kinds of idiots from getting behind the wheel. Some sort of brain scan that would prove that these people are idiots. Idiots who never think twice about the lives they impact because of their selfishness.

My thoughts, prayers and love go out to Const. Garrett Styles friends and family right now. I can only imagine the heartache that they are going through.

And just like that, I'm back to square one.

Today started off like any other day.

I got up, got ready for work, hopped in my car, grabbed a bit to eat and got on the highway. Despite a setback to do with a friend this morning, I was happy.

And then the whole day changed. A car made a left hand turn onto the highway, in front of the truck that was in front of me. The truck swerved to miss him, clipped the front corner of his car, leaving me with nowhere to go but right into the car. Thankfully I dropped my speed to about 60km an hour by breaking, so the impact was far less than what it could have been.

But the idiot who made the left turn? Not only was laughing and basically bragging about the accident to his friend on the phone, he also had the nerve to say to me "Oh man, you should have seen the look on your face right before you hit me! It was hilarious!"

I could have punched him out. But at the time, I was kind of in hysterics and trying to make sure I didn't have any serious damage. I have a minor concussion (and huge goose-egg on my head), a huge and swollen bruise on my hip, a large scrape on my chest and a small scrape on my head.

I spent an hour and a half in the hospital and had a crapload of x-rays done to make sure nothing was cracked, an ultra-sound, and was supposed to have a cat-scan to make sure there was no brain damage, but the doc agreed that I could go home and we would bring me back if I showed any signs of having problems.

The car is completely written off. I've already filed the claims report and am waiting on the insurance to deem me not at fault (the idiot left-hand turn driver has been charged in the accident).

I've posted the pictures below of my injuries and the car...

All I can say right now is that God definitely has to have been watching over me, because I just walked away from something that could have been way worse. And because I wasn't at fault, if the adjustor agrees, I'll be getting some money back at least.

 

(the minor cut on my forehead)

 (the lovely seat-buckle cut/burn)

 (and of course, the hip... it sticks out about 3 1/2 inches)

So yeah... that's the damage. Kind of stiff and sore right now. Work told me to take the rest of the week off and get better. I guarantee by tomorrow, despite the pain I'll be going out of my mind with boredom and feeling useless.


And thus, I am back to square one. Carless, massive debt and having to figure out how to get to and from work.

But, I'm alive. And if nothing else, I have that to be thankful for.

I will not settle.

And when I finished searching my soul
I came to realize I'm done settling.
Greene was great. He was. He taught me a lot about myself.
But he wasn't for me.
I deserve someone who puts me first.
Who gets excited to see me and wants to be involved in my life.
Someone who is willing to come to family dinners because he knows it means the world to me.
Who isn't ashamed to introduce me to his friends.

I deserve someone who I mean as much to as they mean to me.

And I'm not going to settle. If it means not meeting him for years. That's fine.

Because I deserve someone who's perfect for me. And hopefully, I can be perfect for him.

And you know what's the best? I know he's out there. So suddenly, the wait doesn't seem so hopeless anymore.

I am not proud to be Canadian.

Thankful, yes. But to say I'm truly proud to be a Canadian would be a complete and utter lie.

I don't believe there's really anything about us, especially not anymore that makes us identifiable as 'Canadians'. The stereotypes we even use in our own advertising applies to but a small fraction of Canadians. To step back and really see what it is that makes us Canadian, there are only three things that I could come up with for as long as I can remember. Beer, Hockey and Maple Syrup.

That's not a whole lot to base a cultural identity on.

I've been told that I should be proud to be Canadian because of our multi-cultural identity. But I see no pride in being unable to identify with what of that cultural aspect makes it my identity.

Free health care? I've been railed on for this before, but I don't see it as something that you can be proud about and use as a cultural identity. Thankful, of course. Especially for someone like me who has thousands of medical problems, I am incredibly grateful for our free medical care. But that doesn't instill in me a sense of being Canadian.

I'm not proud to be Canadian because these days it seems Canada is full of complainers. We have so much. We are given so much. Yes, there are political issues that factor into our every day lives, but at least we still have the freedom to live as we want, to practice the religion that we want and to raise our children the way we want. And yet, everything I see is Canadians using their freedom to complain about how rough we have it.

First the police aren't doing a good enough job, now they're doing too much. Canada Post being on strike is screwing us over and they're demanding too much and causing the economy to fall, but now that the government is ordering them back to work, they are out of line and removing our freedom of rights and lets rally behind the Canada Post workers.

We vote a majority conservative government and then complain that they have majority power. Or, we don't vote at all and then complain the party we didn't want is in power.

We complain that our neighbours cat walks across our yards, that there's no sidewalk plows and then when there are, that the sidewalk plows are doing too much damage.

In my entire 25 years, there are only two moments I can recall being able to look over these problems, and feeling in unison with my fellow Canadian citizens. Both moments were over Olympic Hockey Games. Hockey. A game.

Maybe I'm alone in this identity confusion, in this lack of pride for the land I call my home. Maybe I'm the only one who's tired of how much the country complains, whining about how we live in a police state and have no rights. But it doesn't matter if I'm alone.

This is how I feel.

This is how I always will feel. And I will always wonder how it feels to rally behind a flag feeling a common connection with the people around me because of pride in the land we come from. 

Oh, Canada... I like you well enough. But I'm sorry, I can't really say I'm proud.

Good news, bad news and creepy Mc-Creepsters.

I finally got in to see a doctor today (*insert long, incoherent rant about the inefficiency and waste of money that is our local after hours clinic here*) to see what was going on. Unfortunately, thanks to the stupid way our clinic is run, I had to take a detour through a town that's kind of somewhat halfway between work and home.

Due to some sort of emergency the doctor had to deal with, it was about an hour and a half before he could see me.

He felt the lump, asked me to describe when it had shown up, etc. and then told my it was this very long, fancy named type of a cyst. As gross as that is, I am considering it good news. Out of all the things it could have been, a cyst is not that bad.

The doc's instructions are that I need to put hot compression on it to bring it to a head so that it can drain.

And then comes the bad news. It's rather common that this thing won't come to a head, and won't drain itself, which means the next step is that they have to cut it out of me.

He explained they freeze the skin, make an incision or two to cut it out and drain it, then stitch it back up. Which wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't terrified of doctors with sharp objects. I may have to request that they find a way to knock me out, because I can guarantee I will have a panic attack the moment the doctor brings the blade within a few inches of my chest.

However, there's no need to panic just yet. I still have a chance that it might sort itself out so long as I keep frying it with a hot water bottle.

In other news, the wonderful Ms. Elle from dELLEcatable has started a series on creepy man encounters and was crazy enough brave enough nice enough to let me do some guest posts in the series. My first post is up and is about Creepy Mc-Creepster, the Creepiest of them All. Please check it out. I'll be your friend if you do.

I'm just a little bit worried...

And could really use some positive thoughts and prayers sent my way.

Last night, I found a small lump on my chest... figured it was just a pimple or a bug bite, so I ignored it... this morning, it was the size of a quarter, under my skin, and raised about 4 mm. And it hurts.

I still thought it was a bug bite, but the moment my mom felt it, she told me she wanted me to book an appointment with the doctor right away, and that there was no way I should be sitting on this.

So needless to say, I'm kind of freaking out a bit right now.

Any positive thoughts and prayers would be highly welcomed.

Getting bolder, or just getting weirder?

Today I did something I've never done before. I went out... by myself. Like, out out. I had plans to go to an amusement park that were kind of iffy and eventually fell through, and so I decided I would go by myself.

I was told by some that makes me weird. I personally think it's a sign that I'm gaining more confidence.

This afternoon, I packed up and headed out to the city to go to Canada's Wonderland (which, for you Americans, is like our Six Flags) and headed off.

It felt a little weird, being there by myself. I was there for four and a half hours, all of which of course, I didn't say a word, except to order a drink, and tell a kid that no, I didn't mind if he took the empty seat beside me.

I don't think I'd ever go to it alone again, just because it does take out some of the fun. But, I'm proud of myself. I went, I did it, and for the few rides I made it on, I enjoyed myself.

I even managed to snap a couple of pics for you guys. I tried to do some videos, but it turned out I didn't hit record :(. So, just the pics for you to enjoy!

And that my friends, is why I'm sometimes ashamed to be a Canadian

All this over a hockey game? Seriously. This is not what Canada is about. I hope they find and arrest as many of those jerks as possible. Because my faith in Canadians has been depleting since G-20...

You know you're a nerd when....

Yep. I'm that cool.

I'm geeking out man! .... You are geeking out, Man.

(10 billion geek cred points to whomever can tell me what movie I ripped and altered that quote from)

Before I say anything more, I will say this... if you have not seen X-Men 1st Class, you need to. Like right now. Drop what you're doing and go. Yup. Even if the theatre is closed.

Take away the fact that the entire cast (excluding Mastermind) is freakishly good-looking, and you still have an incredible bunch of actors that match their characters perfectly.

Like any comic book adaptation, there were a lot of inaccuracies, however for the most part, they worked. They weren't near as ghastly as the inaccuracies in X2 and X3 (the latter of course being the worst of them all).

I don't want to give away too much, which is why I'm not going into a lot of detail.

I will say this though... keep an eye out for three cameos from previous X-men cast members and two much younger versions of some of the mainstream X-men that are not actually in the movie.

It's been 2 hours since I got out of the theatre and I am still geeking out over how awesome this was. I may just have to go see it again. And maybe a third time. Then buy it the minute it comes out on video. Because it was that good.

It's official... I'm going public.

After much thinking and weighing of the pros and cons, I have decided to shut down my other blog (Getting Into My World) and go public with this one.

Managing as many blogs as I have been has just been proving to be too much, especially since this one and GIMW are basically the same concept. The only real difference is that I am far more open on this one.

That was the main thing that worried me, but then I realized, if I'm posting anything I would be ashamed of people who know me seeing, then should I really be posting it at all? And truth be told, there's nothing on here that I am ashamed of.

Plus, it really isn't fair to my readers over that GIMW who followed me expecting to have regular posts and only get them once in a blue moon. So combining should make it easier for everyone.

And, I'm kind of done with the whole hiding thing. After all, if being confident and bold is what I'm aiming for, why should I be so afraid of speaking my mind?

So on that note, apologies to all of you who have me on your blogroll -- I'm going to be importing the posts from my old blog, so it might flood you... sorry about that. :(

Battle of the Bands.... the geeky adventure

I'm not the girl I used to be.

And I couldn't be happier.

Tonight one of my oldest and closest friends had a BBQ celebrating his return to Canada (he's been studying law in England), and it was a get-together of our core group from high school. I was there first, so we sat and talked about his adventures, and my recent escapades.

As we were talking, he stopped, looked at me and said "I'm impressed, this is not the Tabbi from 10 years ago."

"What, you mean the one who couldn't go anywhere alone and have a good time?" I asked.

At that moment, I realized that maybe I'm not so far off from finding me. Because he had a point. And the fact that it's showing that I've grown some courage means that I'm actually becoming that person. It made my night.

When the rest of our old gang showed up, I had zero social anxiety. The need I had always felt to impress them, to have to do something to make me worthy of them was gone. I was just comfortable. I was happy to be there. If they are going to like me, it's for me, not someone else.

I doubt my being socially awkward will ever change, but I've realized it doesn't matter. I am who I am, so take it or leave it. Because really, I kinda like me. And I've decided it's not worth it to sacrifice that for anyone.

On a completely unrelated note... tomorrow I will be posting another vlog, this one of mine and my sister's adventures at Battle of the Bands on Friday night. So don't miss it (because I totally make a fool out of myself).

Karoke Blogring of Death - Back to High School

Having realized I have totally worn out the time of the month joke with this, I'm just going to tell you all how excited I am that KROD is back in action. For shizzleness. I've missed it and I'm sure you've all missed it too. After all, who doesn't want to see a bunch of adults make asses out of themselves?

If you all wanna see me play the guitar (for reals... I swear... :/ ...), check out Daniella's blog, The Chronicles of a College Girl

Otherwise, on with the show. Ya'll might remember the very first KROD I had the honour of hosting the sexy and amazing Jes from Jes Getting Started. Well, much to my EXTREME pleasure and excitement, I get to host her again. So, without any further rambling from me, THE ONE, THE ONLY, JEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!


If y'all didnt already know I am the infamous Jes from a little known and often over looked blog called Jes Getting Started. I am beyond excited that Karaoke Ring of Death is back this month. This months theme is high school mixed tape and the song I have had in mind for a while fit perfectly.

For me high school was marked by the Columbine shooting, Y2K, and 9/11. But 9th grade was all about sleep overs with my best friend where I wrote love notes to my boyfriend, Moose, my best friend played Resident Evil, and we both drank crappy alcohol with the expressed purpose of being black out/passed out drunk before her mom stumbled home drunk her self. This is probably why I was such a drunkard in 10th grade and failed about everything except "crafts" class.

I want to thank Tabs for hosting me again this month because she is my lover and I cant imagine a better place to be. Make sure you head over to my blog to check out Tsa do the robot and bust out some Beastie Boys.

And as a warning my video is NSFW but I guess that should be the norm with me because if it isnt boobs it is bad language. This time its just some bad works and hand gestures, I kept the boobs under wraps. Sorry.


Karaoke Blog Ring - June from Jes Getting Started on Vimeo.

It's a Bird, It's a plane, it's GEEKY ME!

So I decided to participate in the 20sb Vlog day... because I'm cool like that (which translates to loser, according to my sister, but whatever, only us bloggers understand it right?)

Please forgive my appearance, and the rambling. I was totally nervous.

This video post is part of 20SB’s Vlog Day and the topic is “Introduce Yourself”…anyone can participate! Details are here.

When I look at the stars, I feel like myself...

When I started this blog I talked about not knowing who I am. I was on track to rediscovering me. Then I met Greene and somehow I got sidetracked. I stopped searching for the girl inside, the one who was waiting to be free, and settled into this girl who was rather complacent with herself.

It's not Greene's fault. He simply provided the opportunity for me to stop searching.

Trying to find yourself is hard. Especially when you don't know where to begin the search.

I found part of myself at the concert the other night. I found a girl who had long been forgotten. One who once lived by the motto 'Dance like no-one is watching and sing like no-one is listening'. I had convinced myself long ago that she was alive and well, but the truth was that girl was short lived. The confidence she projected was quickly lost amongst the need to have someone there to do it with. A friend or companion to be crazy and content with.

The confident girl with no fear had become buried amongst social anxieties and fear of being humiliated.

I caught a glimpse of her when I went out for drinks with my co-workers after work on Thursday (don't worry, knowing I'm a light-weight I stuck to Iced Tea). She settled in comfortably with her co-workers without a single sign of that social anxiety.

But it was only a moment, and then she was gone.

Saturday she surfaced again. Saturday, I was by myself. I may have been there with our youth, but I was not actually there with them. I was alone.

In a moment of boldness, she resurfaced and took me over. I danced and rocked out like no-one was watching. I walked up to one of the performers (Manafest) just to shake his hand and tell him that though I had never heard of him before, he totally blew me out of the water.

I returned to the concert, and danced some more. I talked to the guy beside me when he talked to me. I even managed to get up the nerve to ask him at the end of the night if he'd be interested in keeping in touch because I don't have many young adult friends. It freaked him out I think. He gave me his work e-mail. But I still did it. I took charge of myself, and I was bold, and I was fearless.

She disappeared again by Sunday morning. But not without a calling card to remind me that she's there and waiting.

I found one of the missing pieces of myself. Now time to find the rest.

I'm going to Guatemala.

As some of you may recall from a couple posts back, I am learning to speak Spanish. While this has been something I wanted to do for a while, there is much more behind this than a desire to learn another language. There’s something big happening in my life, something I’ve never done before, and while I’ve known about this since mid-April, I wanted to wait until I was ready to launch everything surrounding it before sharing my news.

In February 2012 I’ll be doing something I’ve wanted to do for many years, but never had the opportunity or courage to do. For twelve days, I will be going on a missions trip to Guatemala City (in Guatemala… of course) with my church. Some of you may recall I posted about my sister and parents going this past February.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that this will be a life-changing event for me. Chances are it’s going to take hold of my bi-polar and throw me for a massive loop. It will be emotional, it will be difficult and it will have a bigger impact on my life than possibly anything I’ve ever experienced.

Each year, we take on a building project along with doing some ‘in the field’ work such as visiting the mat ward at the hospital and blessing the new mommies with essentials that they would never get for the babies like clothing, blankets diapers and baby wipes.

Did you know that most babies in Guatemala, if they aren’t taken in the middle of the night, leave the hospital wrapped in old newspapers scrounged up? The first time I saw an image of that I burst out crying.

The majority of the things we take to Guatemala are gifts for the mommies, stuffed animals and clothing for children and clothing for some of the adults. We visit schools and learn about their lives and their culture.

But I don’t want to just sit here and tell you about everything we’re doing, I want to be able to show you. I want to enlist your support and love in this adventure, and if possible, take you along for as much of the ride as I can.

I have created a new blog specifically for this adventure. You can find it over at Permanecemos Unidos[United We Stand] or direct link at http://losamamoscomoajesus.blogspot.com .

I would love to have your support in any way you can offer it; thoughts and comments, prayers and encouraging thoughts, whatever.

I will be putting up a donations section, but please understand I am not asking formally for donations. The cost to get there is high, and if you feel led/on your heart to donate, I want you to be able to, but at the same time, I don’t want you all to feel as if I am expecting anything. I’ll have more details on the blog, but there will be two donation type options: 1) to help me get there or 2) to help with the cost of supplies to get there. How to donate will also be on the blog.

There is one other form of donation that I am formally asking for. If any of you are really good at making those friendship bracelets we all used to make with embroidery thread, I would love it if you could join me in making a whole bunch of these. The kids in Guatemala go absolutely crazy over them, and it would be amazing if I could share my blogging friends with the kids somehow.

And on that note, so begins this strange and different journey. The blog will be covering everything from prep and the beginning steps, to thoughts and why I am doing this, and so-on and so forth.

You all mean a lot to me, and I look forward to sharing my journey with those of you who are interested.

Love your favourite Ambiguous Geek,

Tabs <3

Let's pack up and move to California, hop on board before we get older...

Last night I did something I haven't done since I was 21. I went to a concert.

There's this annual concert put on by our Christian Radio station called Air Raid. Actually, it must happen more than once a year, because the station hasn't been around for very long and this was Air Raid 19.

But anyways. One of my favourite Christian Bands happened to be headlining, and I thought about going, but had decided not to because I wasn't comfortable basically being there by myself. But then our youth pastor asked me if I could drive some youth down in turn for a free ticket, so I said sure.

I was ridiculously glad I went. Other than one terrible, terrible performance, the other three bands were amazing.

Hawk Nelson, the one that I love, blew my socks off.

And I did something I've never done before while there. I totally rocked out by myself. While I was kind of there with our youth group, I sort of stayed off on my own. I dunno, I just couldn't bring myself to stand by a bunch of 9-16 year olds.

I had so much fun I can't even begin to explain it. I just totally danced the night away and didn't care who was watching.

The first band, To Tell has kind of a pop-rocky sound to them. Their performance was okay, but I loved their music.

Manafest, who also is apparently on mainstream stuff like Much Music and MTV Canada was mindblowing. This dude can rap and rock out. He had incredible stage presence, and engaged the crowd so much. Even brought some kids up on stage with him.

And of course, Hawk Nelson stole my heart, especially when they played California, which was the first song I heard from them.

Here's a couple vids and pictures I took. :)

They're not very good, because my camera apparently doesn't do very well in dark places, but they're decent I guess.

Hawk Nelson

Manafest