All I Want For Christmas is KROD

We're back with another edition of KROD, and this month, much to my pleasure we are doing HOLIDAY SONGS! I can't deny that I giggled maniacally like a little girl when the email went out. I have been dying to do this since KROD was first birthed by Nips just over a year ago now.

This month, I once again get to host the fabulous Jes from Jes Getting Started. I've hosted this gorgeous lady so many times she may has well get a permanent guest position on my blog. She didn't provide an intro this month because she saw fit to leave it to me. This girl is amazing, funny, talented and has a set of wicked-awesome pipes and happens to be singing one of my favourite Christmas songs. So check her out and then leave her some loving!


Karaoke Ring of Death - Holidaze from Jes Getting Started on Vimeo.

I'm rocking out to my number 2 favourite Christmas song over on Carolina's blog, Carolina Thinks. It's a hilarious song with a movie made about it that's about as lame as can be and I love love love love love it.

All the lights are coming on now...

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. One of my favourite parts of Christmas is all the lights. It's that beautiful and surreal sense that everything is all at once both magical and yet somewhat real. It's like being transported to another place and time.

There is a small park in town that is decorated completely every Christmas with different displays from businesses, churches, schools and whoever else wants to participate. They call it Christmas in the Park, and it's one of my favourite places to go to each year.

A couple weekends ago I took Scott through the park. It was kind of sad because there was no snow, which completely took away from some of the magic, but it was still beautiful. It was exciting getting to share one of my favourite places with him, and I think he enjoyed it too. 

It looks like this year really will be a green Christmas, making it officially the first Christmas I can remember where there has not been any snow. That's kind of sad, but at least everything still looks pretty!

Plus, you know... it's the first Christmas that I won't be sulking because I'm the only member of my family without a special someone! So that's a yay!

The plunge...

I'm not an open book. Never have been. Probably never will. I'm pretty sure there are very few people I have encountered who see through me to the person hidden behind layers of walls and vaults. 

Because of such, it's not that big a surprise to know that the person who knows me the most, who has known me the longest still cannot read me. 

We had our first ever breakthrough that gave her a glimpse of things beyond the walls last week. A phone call where the walls shattered and the few words I did say had honesty in them from my heart, not just my head. It was strange, it was different and it was hard. It was also liberating.

I find myself struggling going forward though. I'm not a person of many words, at least not when I'm talking about me -- I prefer to talk about other things, and if it's just about what's going on in my life I'm fine... but actually talking about me? Not so good at it.

I want more than anything to move forward with this, to be able to open up and start revealing my heart -- but I'm terrified I'm letting her down, and that I will let her down. That somehow I'm not going to be able to do what needs to be done.

Sometimes I wonder if these walls are up because I'm terrified of the person I'll find underneath; that somehow, by opening up those doors, my entire world will crumble.

The thing is, I'm always giving people the advice that when there is something they think they should do, something they want to do, to buck up and take the plunge. That no matter which way you choose -- taking the plunge, or sitting still -- there will always be consequences. That if taking the plunge ends up having the worst of the consequences at least you won't ever struggle with the 'What If' consequence, because you took the plunge and found out what would happen.

I guess this time around, I need to listen to my own advice. So here goes. The plunge. The big step. Time to stop being so damn afraid.

I'm thinking of posting something highly controversial...

Something that, if it ends up in the 'right' hands may have an affect on the future of my hoped-for writing career. One that may spark difficulty in certain communities in my life.

The thing is. It's my opinion. And I have to ask myself if this opinion would cost me a career writing for the publications I want to write for, would I really want to write for them?

If this blog were still secret, I wouldn't be so torn. But at the same time, whether or not it's public, this is the place where I am open, I can talk about things.

So do I do it? I don't know...

And the verdict is in....

He plead guilty so I did not have to testify. Kind of made my day.

Plus, i came home to this beautiful first view of winter:

I do solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...

As we speak I'm sitting in the lobby at a courthouse shaking and wishing I could be anywhere else. Heck, I would even be content to be here for jury duty interviews. But instead, I am here as a witness. Which, if you think about it is better than being here as a defendant, but still.

I had always imagined that my first time in court would be as a reporter. Writing a piece on the trial at hand. I guess most things in life don't end up happening the way you imagine they will.

Today I have to stand as a witness against the kid who caused my car accident in June. To make my statement about how he was at fault, and how based on his actions and words, he did not give a crap about it.

I'm certain it won't be nearly as bad as I am fearing it will be, but it doesn't change the fact that my stomach is in knots and I am terrified. What makes my nerves worse is that I don't actually know when this trial will be taking place. I don't know when I will have to stand or when we will be called in.

As I'm writing this though, the officer in charge has just graced me with some good news. At this point, it looks like the kid is going to plead guilty which means I won't have to stand witness.

Life's little blessings, right?