Do you ever feel like you know where you're going in life, like you know where you're being called, only you're nowhere near hitting that direction?
I feel like that a lot lately. Like the map has been set out, the destination as been marked with a giant ex, and while the path isn't 100% clear, the general sense of the way I need to go is outlined, yet I'm somewhere that doesn't even land on the map, heading in the opposite direction.
I don't do well with patience. Never have, never will. I get to this point, when I've been away from what I love long enough, where I start to feel restless, start to feel like everything is wrong and life just isn't right.
I feel like that right now. And I feel kind of wrong for feeling that way. For the first time in a long time, I'm at a very good job, I make decent wages, and I actually like it (most of the time). But something feels wrong. The longer I stay away from where my passion lies, the more that feeling increases.
I can't say I know if that's the Bipolar or my heart talking. The problem is both can feel so much the same sometimes.
I've mentioned off and on through here and twitter that I want to change the world. The fire to do that is starting to burn on my heart. I know I will be doing it through my writing. The truth is, I want to work in ministry and outreach. I want my words, the things I write to leave an impact on people. To encourage people to love on those who have nothing, to help provide.
I want to make a difference in the lives of people who don't have the means to do it themselves.
I want to make a difference in the lives of young adults, specifically young women who have dedicated their lives to their faith, but have become lost in the church because they are so often overlooked.
I want to inspire people to step out of their comfort zones and intern, be the change in the world.
I want it so bad, but I don't know where to start.
Because of that, I've started somewhere. I've taken a risk. A risk that, should nothing happen, I will lose nothing, so really it is a safe risk (or, some may say not a risk at all). The risk comes in if it pans out. Which, I'm not sure it will. It's a long-shot. Possibly the longest-shot I have ever taken. But no-one ever got anywhere sitting on their rear ends, doing nothing. And since if nothing comes of it, I have nothing to lose, why not?
Worst case scenario? Nothing happens. Best case scenario? I could start being a change in this world.
So as far as I'm concerned, it's the right choice. Because really, we all have to start somewhere right? Even if that somewhere might not turn in any fruits.