Professional photography, here I come! ... Well, maybe?

If you read my last entry, or follow me on Facebook, you'll know already that my newest pride and joy is a beautiful Canon Rebel T2i DSLR Camera. Thanks to the blessing of money from my settlement, after waiting 7 years, I was finally able to get a good camera. 

While I highly doubt professional photography is in my future, this will allow for me to take better photos at the weddings I am shooting, since I will be familiar with the camera by then and have time to adjust to it, rather than just borrowing someone else's DSLR.

I have, of course, been going a little camera crazy over the last week, and decided to share some of my favourite photos I've done with you all. None of them have been edited at this point, so it is literally just the raw images. :)

How could you say no to a face like that?

Rawr. And he's all mine ;)

These are some cute panda's Scott's mom has in her living room :)

Port Elgin Beach.... looks so different from the summer.

I still believe that the ships in the harbour are all pirate ships.

Scott's mom's cat Balloo. Isn't he a handome feller?

Who needs Jack in the Box when you have a cat-in-the-box?

I am learning that Scott is very photogenic.

And of course, I had to practice using the self timer. This is my favourite out of the ones I took.

Followed by this as a close second.

Going nowhere, but everywhere at the same time.

I figured it's time to take a break from the Guatemala stuff (not that anyone really seems to be reading lately), and give a life update. There is so much I am still processing from that trip, and much more that I have processed but am having trouble figuring out how to put into words.

The job hunt has barely existed. I worked as a data entry temp for four weeks, which severely hindered my ability to apply for jobs. Despite that though, I did manage to apply for a couple reporter positions and two more jobs at World Vision. So far, no response from World Vision, though I am really praying and hoping that at the least, I get a job interview. Or a phone interview, or something. I'm thinking I may just drive down there on Monday and hand in a resume in person, along with some writing, photography and layout samples. At least then, they could see that I am really, truly interested.

As I mentioned in one of my Guatemala posts, I finally figured out my calling in life. Sort of. The details are still fuzzy, but from what I've seen, most people's details are fuzzy right up until they step into the position waiting for them. I've said for years now that I want to get into ministry, but now I believe it's not just ministry, but missions I am being called to. Specifically ministry and missions for young women worldwide. I can't even begin to explain how much my heart literally jumps the moment the thought even enters my mind about helping them, about teaching them and about being there as a sister in Christ to help them grow. I could go on for hours about the reasons why I want to do this, but that could be saved for another time.

I have been blessed tremendously in the finances department since returning home from Guatemala as well. Once my bills were all caught up, I only had $250 left in my savings, which isn't much when saving up for a wedding. But then, I was able to get that temp job for four weeks, which gave me an extra $500 in savings. And then, I got a settlement for my car accident -- much larger than what I would have even hoped for. Suddenly, without actually having a job, I now have just under $3000 saved for our wedding AND was able to buy my Digital SLR camera that I have been pining for over the last 7 years.

The camera is great news because it will be a lot easier to shoot the two weddings I am shooting with a camera I am already familiar with.

Scott moved in with us a month ago and is now working in town, which has made things easier. At least, the travel part. It's a nice prelude to us being married, since we are getting the opportunity to live together a bit and get to know each other more. We have discovered there are definitely things we need to work on, but honestly, if there wasn't anything, I'd be more than a little worried that we were actually hiding something from one-another.

I've decided to start helping out with youth on Thursday nights, and will even be sharing my testimony at some point. I've been directing the Easter skit the last few weeks, and I've been feeling a pull in my spirit to help, so I am. It's not a big role, but it would be a step towards getting into ministry, right?

The last update is that tonight, I finally started writing again. Scott and I have decided that Wednesday evenings will be our writing nights. Each Wednesday we are going to escape from the house as early as we can after dinner, go to Starbucks, and write until 9:30pm. That way neither of us have any excuses for not getting any of our writing done.

Faith like the poor...

There is something to be said for those who have nothing, but give their lives to faith. I've always *known* that the Christians in 3rd world countries had stronger faith than those of us who have much, but to witness it in person was life changing.

When I left for Guatemala, I had lost my job and as much as I had faith it would work out, there was a large part of me that wondered if I should withdraw. The money that I could have saved from not going would have been huge, and it was a full two weeks that I could have used to job hunt. Actually following through with the trip was what I considered to be one of the biggest leaps of faith I could be taking.

And then I got to Guatemala, and everything changed.

I met women whose joy at the birth of their children gave them hope, gave them purpose even in a future that was bleak. Who appreciated more than anyone I had encountered a gift from complete strangers to bless them and their newborn bundles of joy.

I met children who appreciated the opportunity to go to school, no matter how small it was -- children who took pride in their uniforms, their education and their culture and who loved to meet foreigners and have the opportunity to be loved by them. Who were eager to learn, listen and participate.

People who took a leap of faith and purchased the property they had been renting for their church because they believed God would provide the means to build it -- and then one year later, we came, and we helped them build that church.

But there was also so much more than that. I met a family who had suffered great loss, but still served the Lord daily, believing he would restore hope to their lives. There was a pastor whose baby had been sick for months upon months, where the doctor's told them it was just a cold, and then the baby died suddenly. But instead of becoming angry, they prayed in faith that God would restore life to their child, and five minutes later, without any medical help, the baby began to breathe. When they took him to the doctor's, he was 100% healthy, without any sign of any medical problems prior or present. Months later, when the pastor's wife suffered a stroke, he prayed in faith God would heal her, and half an hour later she walked out of the hospital without any problems and has not suffered again.

I saw families who had nothing who went to church regularly, who served joyfully and always had smiles on their faces, and trusted that God would meet their needs. They knew they would find food, they would love their children and continue on day after day.

The same day as the family with the gangs, we had the opportunity to continue our relief work in a community that lived in the midst of a sugarcane plantation, in the middle of a cow and horse pasture. Last year during their rainy season, the community had flooded and the owner did nothing to help them. The missionaries we stayed with had received a large donation from a church in BC of bikes, dresses, blankets and clothing. We managed to purchase some food hampers and took everything out there. The children had to walk 7km each way to school every day, so the guys fixed up the bikes and we loaded them up to give one to each of the kids selected by the pastor. Sadly, we did not have enough bike's for everyone so only some kids got them.

There was celebration as the families received our gifts, and they made a lunch for us of fresh tamales (which were kind of icky, but I tried them anyway), and the children played with us, the community laughed with us as we performed our skits and loved us as we spent time with them. This community had been robbed of homes, food and well-being, but still they worked, they served and they praised the Lord. 

And as I experienced situations like these over and over again, I began to realize just how small my own problems were. And just how small my faith had been -- I mean sure, I trusted God would provide, but there was a large part of me that still feared it. That still feared what would happen and kept freaking out and wondering how this would all work out. 

Coming back, I realized that this fear is irrational. If God can provide for those who have nothing, can make sure they have food on their table, clothes on their backs, roofs over there heads and jobs to provide a living, in a land where we have so much more wouldn't God be able to do the same?

There's a lot to learn from those who have less, a lot more, I would say, than they have to learn from us. If there is anything I can change about myself from the experiences down there, it would be that I want to experience faith like they do -- a total reliance of trust in God and faith in his capabilities no matter what the situation looks like.

Today I'm going to leave you with a clip of me speaking about the experience with the family whose sons were killed, and awe at the faith that they have. There was a bit of a technical difficulty, so it's missing the first few moments, but thought I'd leave it with you all anyway.

Of planes and skies...

Well, now that I've been home for nearly a month, I suppose the full Guatemala story is long overdue. As could be expected, it will need to be told in parts, as it is too much to pour into one post.

Like every story, this one starts at the beginning.

When we arrived at the airport on our departure date, I was already exhausted. I had not slept two nights before due to excitement, and we had to leave the hotel for the airport at 3am, meaning I did not sleep the night before either. So as we began to make our way into the first lineup for customs and to weigh our baggage, I was quite tired.

Interestingly enough, there were two other mission teams heading to Central America in line with us, and the lines took forever.

We left with two bags of luggage weighing 50 lbs each, filled mostly with donations, for a total of 22 bags at 1100 lbs. Lugging that around the airport was kind of a nuisance.

Thankfully, everything went smoothly, there were no problems going through US Customs, and our plane took off to Miami on time. When we arrived in Miami, our bags were transported for us, and we had enough time in between flights to grab a bite to eat.

At this point, it still wasn't fully hitting me yet. I wasn't feel excited, or nervous, or anything. Really, I felt just as I would on a trip to the city with some friends -- it wasn't really hitting me that this was something entirely new. It wasn't until we were up in the air again that it started to sink in. So I did what I do best -- stared out the window and just let my mind go wild.

Which of course, turned out to be a great plan of action, because there is nothing as stunning and breathtaking (at least to me) as seeing the world from up so high.

Of course, there is only so long you can stare at open water for before you start to drift off, and I fell asleep while looking out the window.

It wasn't until we began our decent over Guatemala that the reality began to hit me. My eyes were glued to the landscape as we slowly came down, and all I could do was marvel at it. Mountains upon mountains, covered in green, tall trees. Plantations, valleys, lakes --- it was more beautiful than anything I had ever seen before.

All I could think as we flew down into Guatemala City was how I couldn't imagine wanting to leave come the end of it. And then, as the plane landed, and it started to get hot and stuffy, unfortunately, the only thought occupying my mind was "Can I go to bed yet?"

Getting off the plane, the biggest fear was Guatemalan Customs. We could not claim donations or gifts, because to bring as much into the country as we were means having to pay lots of money. Although we went together as a team, we were not wearing our team shirts, and, much to our surprise, we were through customs quite quickly, and on to waiting for Hector (the missionary) to pick us up.

There was not a whole lot of experience there to comment on, except being unable to speak the language. It's not the first time I've been to a country that spoke a language I do not understand, but it was the first time in 8 years, and it was noticeable. It was a feeling of awe tainted with confusion and sadness. We were only there a few moments, but I already knew that language barrier was going to bother me.

We loaded our luggage into Hector's van and the back of the pick-up truck driven by his wife Ruth, and we were off, on our first adventure through Guatemala.

And then we had a run-in with gangs...

Remember that numbness I said I was feeling about everything? It's gone. Everything is coming to me clearer than it was even while I was there. It took seeing the Kony 2012 video to break it free, but now that it has, my heart is on fire. Because along with releasing those feelings that my heart locked away, it's made me realize what I think it is that my calling in life might be. Because right now, I am on fire.

If you don't know who Joseph Kony is, don't know what Kony 2012 is about, and haven't seen that video yet, click the link above and watch it. If you do know and have seen it, then its highly likely you understand why it is that this broke my heart free.

But this post isn't really about Kony, or about what I'm being called to do. That will be saved for another time. No, this post is about the first piece of sharing from my Guatemala trip, and part of the story as to why I think I know what it is that my calling is.

I'm not sure how many of you know this, but Guatemala City ranks in the top 15 most dangerous cities in the world. This is because the city is overrun with gang violence, druglords and corrupt police and politicians. It's quite common to hear gunshots fired off throughout the day and into the night. All houses have bars on the windows, and barbed wire or razor-wire lining the tops of the walls that surround their homes. If the occupants are too poor to afford either, they cement broken glass bottles to the top. Common shops such as convenience stores are often behind bars, with a window for people to order what they want and pay for it. The majority of shops, mechanics, gas stations, grocery stores and pretty much every restaurant or other type of store you can think of are protected by armed guards situated outside during all operating hours. Guards holding shot-guns, machine guns and AK-47's.

Last year, during our church's mission trip, the team met a boy at the church they were building whose parents had been casualties of a gang shoot-out on their street only a week before the team's arrival.

This year, something happened on our trip that will stick with me until the day that I die, and it is what made me realize that I really need to step up and do something.

On the Thursday that we were there, the missionaries we were staying with (the Aragons) decided that we would do some relief work rather than our regular ministry, and put two stops on our schedule. The first stop would be life changing for me. It was a small church/parsonage out in the mountains just below one of the volcanoes. The drive was an hour and a half and we were filled in on the story as we drove.

Two years ago, the volcano erupted, and large 'splashes' of lava landed on the tin roof of the church, melting it. The Aragons heard about it, and took a mission team out to repair the damage done. While they were there, they noticed the pastor's oldest son walking around holding a bag --  a bag containing his intestines. Upon inquiry they found out he had been shot by a gang, and while he had been to the hospital, they did not have the technology and the family could not come up with the finances for the operation necessary to put his intestines back in. They also do not have proper medical bags, and so the teen was carrying his intestines around in a regular shopping bag.

Moved by this story, the Aragons raised the money necessary to put the teen through surgery at a private clinic. After the procedure, they found out that the teen was actually involved in a gang, and that was the reason he had been shot. One of the nurses told them that once the operation was over, before he was even out of the hospital, he had started making drug deals and getting on with the gangs again. This was in the fall.

In early January, the gang came to the parsonage. Why, they didn't really know. Could have been he owed them money. Could have been a rival gang. Could have simply been that he pissed off the wrong person. The reason didn't really matter, because they were there for blood. That night, they shot and killed the teen (who was 17) and his 16 year old brother, then shot their 15 year old sister three times. Though still alive, the sister still has two bullets in her; one in her jaw, one in her shoulder, and a broken wrist. Currently, the hospital does not have X-ray equipment and the family cannot afford to send her to a private clinic, so she has simply remained injured. Their 14 year old and 10 year old sons were unharmed, though we don't know if they were even there that night.

It was one thing to hear about it. As devastating as it was, it didn't really hit home. They didn't tell us what our 'relief work' would be with this family until we arrived. The pastor and his wife came out to greet us, and the moment his wife saw the Aragons, she broke out crying and wailing. I had never heard a sound more full of heartbreak in my life, and I felt my own heart shattering as I heard it. That was when we were told, our job, was to go inside the church and pray with them.

I'm not going to lie, when we were first told that, my initial response was "That's it?" I felt like it wouldn't be enough... but then again, what would be enough to do for a family who had just lost two sons and had a daughter who had barely survived?

We gathered inside and I found myself already struggling to keep the tears back. We started praying, and their 14 year old son came and joined us, and he too started crying. Not the wails that his mother was making, but he was sobbing loud and hard enough that he came close to hyperventilating... and I broke. I couldn't focus on praying anymore as I stood there sobbing with them, my heart never feeling more broken.

Words really cannot describe the pain in the mother's voice. Even now, as I think back to it, I cannot think of words... and it is hard just to think on it.

And then, my heart went out to their daughter, and I began to cry even harder. I began to think about how I would feel -- how having such injuries that would be scarring and permanent would make me feel about myself. I started thinking about how devestating it must be to have witnessed the death of both her brothers, and how, were I in her shoes, I know I would be tormenting myself with wondering why, why couldn't I have died instead of them and why I was the only one who survived.

And in that moment, I cried because never in my life had I wanted more to do something for someone, to encourage her, to help her, to do something, but I had no idea what I could possibly do or what difference I could possibly make.

We did not get to meet her while there, but she has stuck with me in my heart ever since.

The reality of life down there is harsh -- it's harder than anything I could have ever imagined. The biggest contributing factor to the violence and crime in Guatemala is the lack of education. There is a 48% illiteracy rate, and most children, if they are lucky enough to receive any education at all, do not make it past the third grade before they are pulled out to work.

I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but I'm going to find out what I can do to help this girl. And then I'm going to find a way to start helping more kids. To try and find a way to help them see that they have options, that there is a choice outside of poverty and gangs. Even if I never directly get to help or speak to this girl, I hope that one day I will be able to let her know that she changed my life.

You leave on a trip like this thinking that you're going down there to change lives. And maybe, maybe you do. I'm struggling right now with whether or not I had any impact. But I do know one thing for sure, it changed me. And that makes everything worth it.

Mañana, mañana...

I know I promised posts about the Guatemala trip, but its going to be a little bit before I can put them together. The truth is, I'm still struggling to put into thoughts, put into words, what it is that I experienced while down there.

The easiest way I can describe how I've felt since my return is numb and overwhelmed. I have moments where the things I saw hit me, and all I can do is cry. Others where I just sit there in awe of the things I witnessed; of the courage, love and faith that puts our own to shame.

It's a different world down there. The pace is different, the landscape is different, the people are different and the attitude is different. Even the classes are different. There, they do not have upper, lower and middle class. There is no middle class, and there is no lower class. There is upper class and there is beyond lower class.

I keep saying it over and over again, but I don't know why I'm struggling so much to get back into the pace of things. There, we were so busy. Our days were filled with go go go. Since I've gotten home, it hasn't been quite so busy. There's been work every day, but thats about it. Yet I feel so incredibly far behind, and that no matter how hard I try, I can't get caught up. I can't catch up to my thoughts, my life, anything. I'm just kind of stuck.

There was so much I experienced, so much I saw, so much that made me stop in my tracks and left me feeling both blessed and helpless at the same time. It's a lot to try and put into words. To try and sort out.

So for now, I'll leave you with some pictures. To see some of the beautiful landscapes, beautiful people. And soon, soon I'll put it into words to tell my story.