Life keeps moving on...

It's hard to believe it has been a full month since I watched a man lose his life. I'm in a much better place than I was then. It still hurts to think about it, to see those images flash through my mind again, but I know I'm fortunate that we were where we were. That we witnessed it, instead of being involved in it. 

I can't say I'm walking away with a better appreciation for life. My own close-calls taught me that already. But I am certainly feeling that relationships are more precious, that I need to make the most of every relationship because you never know when it will end.

The mass amount of weddings are almost over. I finished editing the photos that I previewed before on here, Scott's cousin's wedding was absolutely beautiful, and my sister's wedding was AMAZING. I'll admit, I cried quite a few times, and I definitely danced like a madwoman (there may have been a chicken dance... and the macarena at some point). My sister looked absolutely beautiful, and my brother did a fantastic job officiating the ceremony.

There are also some good things that have been happening. I was 'hired' as a Freelance Business Reporter for one of our local newspapers and have written a few articles for them so far, and another potential opportunity may be popping up soon, so prayers and crossed fingers would be appreciated for that. 

Our Stargate campaign is going way better than I ever would have thought it would, as we are nearing 1300 likes on Facebook, and have met a few people through it that have connections that could help us. 

So overall, things are really good right now. Now all I need is a full time job, and they will be even better.

And with that note, check out this cute picture my aunt snapped of Scott and I at my sister's wedding!

Just popping in for a moment.

I have lots to fill you all in on (my little sister's wedding, job hunt, etc.) but for now, just a quick update. We're really excited that our Stargate campaign is kicking off so well. We have started a blog specifically for it and wedding planning so that we don't have to spam you guys here :)

If you're interested in following, you can check it out over at www.stargatewedding.blogspot.ca

I hate to sound cliche but...

Will you help us try to make our dream come true?

That dream is of course, getting a Stargate at mine and Scott's wedding. A few people had suggested starting a Facebook page and trying to get enough fans that we would catch MGM's attention, so that is exactly what we have done.

Our hope is that we can get enough fans that we can petition MGM to loan us one for the day, even if it's the big styrofoam one they used for the fake one in SG1.

It's a long shot. I know it is, but it's worth giving it  a shot right? Worst case scenario it does nothing. Best case, we get a Stargate!

So please, if you are on Facebook, help us out and like our page, then share it with your friends. We will love you forever and ever and ever for it!

You can find it at http://www.facebook.com/GetUsAStargate

Thanks everyone!

<3

This is where I try not to fall apart.

This past weekend was an emotional whirlwind. On the one hand, was my sister's bachelorette party, which was full of fun, laughter and excitement at her upcoming wedding. On the other was something that overshadowed the latter half of the party and weekend and has left me on an emotional/anxiety roller coaster.

Sunday morning as we were on our way to Toronto I witnessed a fatal accident in which a motorcyclist was run over by a pick-up truck. As far as what caused the accident, or who was at fault, I don't know yet. Nothing has been announced by the police on what happened.

I didn't see what happened leading up to. I might have seen it, I don't know... much of what happened is all a blur. I do remember seeing the pick-up truck going up and over, and a flaming vehicle go flying to the side. I was on the phone with 911 near the body when it was confirmed he had stopped breathing. I stood there and watched as the man died.

As we waited to be questioned, I stood and watched the paramedics trying to perform CPR on him to revive him for what seemed like hours, pushing down on his chest, doing what they could.

They took the girl who was driving the van we were in to question first. None of the other girls had seen anything beyond the smoke. We stood outside as she was speaking to the cop inside the van, and everything started to spin. I'm sure it wasn't just the accident that caused me to nearly faint. It was everything combined with my anxiety attack and standing so long in that intense heat. But I wasn't doing well.

When they asked for my statement, I sat in the back of an OPP car as he asked me questions about what happened. I was in the car closest to the body, and I couldn't help but stare. Watch as they covered him with a tarp.

The whole thing still seems so surreal. I managed to hold it together until we got home Monday morning, and then I went to my room and cried and cried and cried.

I'm still up and down. Some moments, I feel like I'm okay. I feel like nothing happened and I can just go on without any issues. And then, I feel the anxiety rising up. My heart starts to pound, my hands start to shake and my breathing picks up.

The images haven't left my mind. Even when I manage to distract myself, my thoughts somehow make a connection and everything comes rushing back. The scene replays in my mind over and over and over again.

Every time I see a motorcycle, my anxiety flares back up and I feel sick to my stomach. I wish I could just stop. Just disappear for a few days and forget about life. I wake up in the middle of the night with images of his body in my mind.

I'm dizzy every time I think about any of it. Any time the images come back. I'm obsessed with checking the news, waiting to hear something, anything.

I didn't know the man. I don't know if I knew the driver of the pick-up. But whether or not I knew either one, I witnessed something that has changed things forever. For the motorcyclist, his family is left  having to recover... for the driver of the pick-up, his life is forever altered.

How do you get past something like this? How do you move forward and push the images out of your mind and go on with your life without spending your days having to remember over and over and over?